Saturday, October 2, 2010

The fifth of the Evils which are Resident

Yesterday I posted a review on my thoughts about horror games. Despite what I said about what kind of horror games I like it does not mean I am against the first type of horror games. If you don’t know what I’m talking about read the review I posted yesterday.

Resident Evil 5 is the “fifth” game in the Resident Evil series because the mathematical skills of Capcom’s employees suck. The plot consists of former S.T.A.R.S. operative Chris Redfield having to go to Africa to apprehend a group of terrorists that have bio-organic weapons. When there he meets his partner a west African 20-something year old hottie named Sheva Alomar. Now I had watched the trailers and read the previews about the game etc. but at this point I realized that this game would be about as frightening as a 6-year old girl that you can see through walls. When you’re given a partner you no longer feel alone. You won’t get the scary feeling of having to survive on your own when someone has your back. Another thing that makes the game less scary is the fact that the main character’s bicep is about as big as his head which makes punching zombies in the face a worthy laugh. The gameplay is alright and the controls don’t bugger much but if you don’t have a HUMAN friend to play the game with you, you’re out of luck. The AI in this game (more specifically you’re partners AI) sucks heavy hippopotamus balls. For example every time you’re even the slightest bit injured your partner comes over and uses a health spray that recovers all of your HP and this is just one of the things that ticks me off. I can’t even count the times I wanted to strangle someone over the idiocity of my AI-partner. But like I said playing with a friend makes the game a lot easier and more fun.
Resident Evil 5
Besides the crappy partner problem of the game (which can be solved by good social contacts) the inventory system is just as awful. Let me give you an example. You have 9 spaces for inventory items, from which only ammo and grenades are stackable. Everything else takes up one space. So if you’re carrying 9 healing herbs they take as much space as, oh let’s say, 9 AK-47s. It’s INSANE. And another thing, if you want to use a body armor THAT TAKES UP A SPACE AS WELL. I mean what the f*ck?? You’re carrying an armor in the pocket of your armor? Someone should get hanged for this.

In conclusion: I like RE5 even though it has a few flaws. I must say that playing it with my mate was the most fun I can have with my pants on and still be straight. I’m recommending it to anyone who has a platform that can support it and atleast one friend. If you don’t have a friend kidnap a hobo and play with him… or her.

Friday, October 1, 2010

My views on horror games

There are 2 types of horror games

The first kind is where a scary monster jumps out of a closet and tells you to be afraid of it but then you say “nah, man.  I got these massive assault rifles, rocket launchers and flamethrowers that say otherwise. Plus that pile of a million of your kind that I’ve stacked behind me as I’ve gone forward doesn’t make your scaryness worth shit.” then you blow the monster into a million pieces with a grenade (i.e. Doom 3, Dead Space, Bioshock, Resident Evil). These kinds of horror games are the kinds that usually have a good (sometimes even an epic) start but suddenly turn into mainstream first person shooters with no more content than aim and shoot. And with these “horrifying” creatures speeding towards you all the time, you seldom have time for fear. Also, the main character is often somewhat of a supernatural being compared to everyone else and it makes the whole aspect of “being scared” seem obsolete. Why be scared when you’re made to feel like super man?

The second kind is where you expect the monster to jump out of a closet but it never does and you’re left to wonder where it is and you’re afraid to turn around because you just know he’s standing right behind you breathing down your neck ready to molest you the second you start to move your mouse/controller in order to turn around (i.e. Silent Hill 2, Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Penumbra, Fatal Frame, Siren: Blood Curse). In these kinds of horror games you’re usually a scared mediocre Joe Nobody, who doesn’t own the ability to slow down time or get rid of monsters that have attached to you, with a quick time event. The tension (in Amnesia for example) is that the monsters don’t show up all that often and when they do, your only options are to either RUN or HIDE. This is good because it leaves more to the imagination. A game where you kill countless monsters, zombies and aliens like in Doom 3 won’t give you the same scaring thrill as a game where you really feel helpless. Although after playing all the horror games I have so far in my life I don’t understand why you would be afraid of the dark in a game if you’re not in real life. It feels silly. But it does have this kind of edge to it watching your main character’s sanity deteriorate as he talks to himself about losing his mind. It does appear frustrating at times if the gameplay is evolved around a gory game of hide&seek with you as the person having to hide every round, but I would say it’s better than shooting at everything that moves.
Penumbra: Black Plague
In conclusion: I like the second type more even thought often I feel not so scared in a situation where my character is simply terrified. This just means that the game didn’t do a good enough job preparing me for a scary bit and I’m often left scratching my head thinking why was my character so scared just now?

tl;dr: a good horror game is the kind that f*cks with your mind.
NOW THEN; tell me what you think. Which type of horror game do you think is better? Also, name some good horror games. I need to play some more!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Hey! Coming up...

Sorry guys no JOURNAL ENTRY today, lol. Been busy as hell.

I do however plan to sit down tomorrow and make a little review about what I like in horror games (oooh!). So you guys & gals should return tomorrow if you want some of my mindless dribble.

Joolamp, out!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Win some, Lose some

For the past few months I've notice this strange luck I've been having. It's not quite karma or divine intervention but something in between the two. For every action that takes place in my life there is a... consequence. Something, that returns everything to a neutral ground. It feels weird. First I get lucky with something but then later on I stumble and fall or vice versa. For example:

I caught a flu a while back that gave me a cough and a sore throat so I thought to myself that I should get something to drink. I went to buy a 6 bottle stack of cola from the nearby market plus some food and the cashier forgot to charge me for the cola. I noticed this after I got home and was in no mood to return to pay for them.

Way before the flu when I was working as a mover (I'm not sure if this is the right term... we got paid for moving furniture etc etc... not repomen lol) I broke my elbow and had to get a cast and was suddenly without a job. Then out of the blue this guy I hardly know calls me and reminds me that he owes me a favor. He was kind enough to offer me a job. Even a better one I had before because being a salesman is something I am interested in. Now I sell men's clothes at a multinational gentlemen's store called Dressmann and couldn't be happier.

Another thing that happened was that I dislocated the knuckle of my right hand pinkie by hitting a garbage can made entirely of metal. It hurt like a mother****er let me tell ya. I did it because I was angry (believe it or not) about not having a girlfriend. But then like a week after that I met the girl of my dreams.

See where I'm going with this? There have been so many things like this happening it's hard to keep track of them all. I'm not even superstitious or anything but this shit is pretty weird.

If you have any idea what something like this is called please tell me! Also... share your own experiences. I'm dying to hear if you've faced similar moments in your life.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Me? A blogger?

That's right.

I have often recented the idea of writing a kind of an open diary on the internet everyone can follow but I find it's rather soothing. Maybe I'm starting to be a nicer person by accepting new things into my life. OR maybe I just wanna speak my mind and not give a rats ass about what anyone else thinks cuz this is my blogsite... yeah let's go with the latter.

Aaanyhoo, I started this ONLINE JOURNAL because I wanted to give myself something to do inbetween working days and sleeping nights. Oh and from now on I will not be refferring to my posts nor my site as BLOGs because it sounds like an obese entity that communicates via passing gas. So what should YOU the readers be expecting of me?... Well I can start by saying I often play video games and watch movies and was thinking maybe I can make little reviews of my own about them...I mean there certainly are never enough of them on the internet... right?...right? Anyway I'll be returning to you on thursday when I will have something interesting to post and something I consider worth your while... or mine.


Monday, September 27, 2010

The Final Frontier!

I don't what you guys generally think about Iron Maiden but I know this: they're newest album entitled "The Final Frontier" and especially the music video literally BLEW MY FRIGGIN' MIND!... honestly... my walls are painted with bits of brain and blood.

Let's get the facts straight. It's the fifteenth and probably the last album Iron Maiden are going to record. I know it sounds sad but I think it's bs. Lead singer Bruce Dickinson was quoted saying that with all the touring and traveling they might not have time to record anymore. He also said they are hoping to release another album sometime in the distant future and I say THEY BETTER. Iron Maiden's last album should be something with which they go down in a blaze of glory. A legendary opus with 12 songs all of which are completely different yet perfect in their own way causing mass female orgasms and shy male erections.

The album does have good songs on it but it's not really something I had expected. I was expecting... "more & better", but I guess you can't invent the wheel more than once, right? The album features 10 songs all of which seem to have a soft start and a rough ending. When I say rough I don't mean bad. This just means it's got Steve Harris' handywork written all over the album. The fact that Harris had something to do with all of the songs may explain why it had sold 44,385 copies in the first week of release. However I think the problem with Final Frontier is that it's... a middle child. With a cover name like "Final" you expect it to be... the last goddamn thing you ever listen to by these guys and if it is I must say I'm not impressed. I'm still glad I bought the cd and I'm listening to it as I write this mindless dribble... I also wish someone would clean all that brain off my wall.

Anyway here's the music video of the song 'Final Frontier'. Enjoy!

I gotta tell ya

The ear is an amusing part of the human body. I had this ache below my jawbone where it "connects" with the lower half of where my ear is (where spit glands are (or atleast the pain felt like it was coming from that area)) and for days I couldn't eat anything because every time I opened my mouth it hurt like hell!

Now I didn't go to the doctor but I did try to search the net for answers. All I could find was speculations how it could be cancer and other ridiculous things. Then after a few days my friend asked me if I had (and please forgive my lousy english on the matter) "balanced the pressure 'inside' my ear/head". I didn't think much at the time but I was running out of options... and pain meds. So what I did was I held on to my nose and mouth and blew as hard as I could. You know, with the airways blocked. AND IT WORKED?! I remember feeling a little bump in my ear (like a cork popping off a cola bottle) and suddenly the pain was no longer resonating from my jaw. Must've been magic or sumthin!

Ever wonder?...

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?